


Cousland's Secret

by NattyWright



Series: Dalish Thedas [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Dysphoria, LGBT, Transgender, angsty, oh so much dysphoria
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-05-12 01:05:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5648203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NattyWright/pseuds/NattyWright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natalie Cousland has held a secret since she was born, now she will tell her family.</p><p>Set during the opening of Origins</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The birds began to sing and she knew it was time to open her eyes.

Slowly, the room began to appear around her as her lids parted, stone walls rose by her sides, draped with her family's crest. A red satin rug was placed beside her bed and the lit candles on her chandelier flickered across it beautifully. Her bed matched the rug, with a golden trim, and her only smile of the day was at how beautiful it was.

Across the bed was her tall mirror, the worst bit of her room. She stood and slowly walked over towards it, grimacing as her reflection came into view and the life she had dreamt about fled.

In her dreams, she was a beautiful lady of the castle, a warrior yes, but a lady all the same. She would have long, braided hair, brown like her mothers, and whilst she was stern-looking she would have a certain beauty about her that was hard to name.

Now, now she was disgusted by herself.

Father made her cut her hair, to keep appearances for visiting dignitaries, as though their opinion of them was more important than her happiness. It lay just below her ear, just short enough that she struggled to feel feminine at all.

She slowly looked down and met her reflections stare. Her blue, ocean blue, eyes swam with sadness. Tears that always demanded to escape were caged behind them, but she could see them shaking the cage, testing the bars, hoping that today would be the day she would break and they could flow free.

Further, her eyes fell, and she settled on her nose. Too big for her face, but it was hers nonetheless. It was hard to hate her nose though that could have been because she was full up of hatred for the rest of her body.

Her jaw. Fuck her jawline. So square, so masculine. It was her worst feature, at least on her face, and it filled her with disgust to see it again. Then there was the faint black dots scattered across her face, small tiny stubble that had grown in since she shaved the night before.

She shaved twice a day, yet it never seemed to be enough. Come morning or night, she could see it again and her self-hatred would multiply.

Broad, wide shoulders that turned her body into at best an upside down triangle, and at worst a square. Another masculine feature that made her sick with disgust. The armour father made her wear only made her look more robust and she hated every moment of it.

A flat chest, and then her non-existent hips. Her body was the opposite of how she wanted it, the opposite of her dreams.

She lifted her skinny arms, she was strong enough to fight, as father expected, but she was never strong looking. Her wrists were covered in scars, obtained in sparring if one could call fighting inner demons sparring.

With a sigh, she lowered the mask of happiness, or at least indifference, until she wore her usual false smile. She could laugh her usual fake laugh, and be the fake, false, dishonest person she had grown into.

Today was meant to be a happy day, her twenty-first name day, but for Natalie Cousland, every day was a living nightmare.

She had a horrific secret, a secret that could never leave her mind, her room, her safe space. She had been born a man and out there she was forced to be him. Twenty one years of self-hatred, and today is the day she would tell her father the truth of who she was, who she wanted to be, and who she had always been.

Her name was Natalie Cousland, and she was transgender.


	2. Chapter 2

Natalie looked at her dresser and sighed. What she would give to wear a dress but her servants, as was expected of them, had laid out the family tunic, adorned with their crest and their colours. She looked good, for a man, but it wasn't how she wanted to look.

A snore from the corner of the room shook the dark clouds from her mind and she whistled, Lissa stirred from her slumber and jumped to attention, surveying the room before bouncing over to her.

She knelt to meet the dog, rubbing the back of her head as she placed a kiss on Lissa's nose. Maker, she loved her dog, Lissa loved her no matter who she was and was just happy to be with her. Unconditional love was a rare thing but her dog gave it to her.

"Ok, girl, I've got to face them, haven't I?" She asked into her fur. Here with Lissa, she could pretend to be normal, to be herself.

The dog nipped at her and she laughed. "ok, ok, I'm going. Come with me, please."

Lissa yipped in response and pulled her up.

She got dressed quickly, not looking at her reflection afterwards. Natalie was hidden now, the mask and the disguise were fully in place and she was Thomas, the youngest son.

She stepped out of her room, her safe space and sighed. Today would be hard but she was strong. She would endure and come out of this stronger.

Her bag was packed, though, just in case. If Father disapproved, as she suspected he would, she was ready to leave at moments noticed. The secret exit from the pantry was easy to get to, and no one would question her.

"Uncle Tom!" A small, high-pitched voice screeched across the hall as she stepped out. Oren, her nephew. A nice, well-meaning lad. "Happy birthday!" He barrelled into her and began laughing.

"Thank you, nephew," she laughed. She had managed to avoid wincing when he said her birth name, she was jaded to it now really, but it still felt wrong. The boy didn't know any better, though. Bless him.

"Oren, give your uncle some space," Fergus called out. Her brother was a tall, strong man, he was the shield to her sword, or to her daggers at least. He was built broader than her, with shoulders of an oxen and enough strength behind him to lift one. In training, she would have to dart around to get any hits in.

"Sorry, Uncle. Happy birthday." He hugged her tightly for a moment then released her.

"Father wants to see you, kid," Fergus slapped her arm. "Something important I think, more important than a birthday as well, unfortunately. He has Arl Howe with him, the rat, and I'm betting there is bad news about his reinforcements."

"I wouldn't be surprised, brother," she sighed. Her family had promised men to the King to fight the blight in the south. Arl Howe was meant to have brought his men a week ago and there was still no sign. If he was in a meeting with her father, that was not a good sign. "I needed to speak to him anyway, is he in the hall?"

"Where else would he take Howe, Tom?" He laughed. "Run along, maybe you'll be able to celebrate some time today."

She waved goodbye to them and motioned for Lissa to follow her. This would be easy really, just walk in, tell Father she had something she needed to tell him in private, then say it. She was just worrying herself needlessly, right?

She sighed, watching the stone walls disappear behind her as she stalked them. She always preferred to stick to the shadows, avoiding anyone's attention if at all possible, the life of a noble was filled with a lot of pointless conversation and she couldn't stand it.

The red and yellow carpet below her boots crumpled as she made her way through the central corridor, snaking around the side of the main hall until she found the entrance.

With one final sigh, she pushed it open and stepped in.

The room was more decadent than usual, with a large fire in the brazier in the centre. Mabari hound statues were placed around the sides of the square hall, all staring towards the throne at the head of it, opposite the main entrance gate.

She had entered through a side door and found her father talking to the Arl at a small table off to one side.

A candle was lit upon it, and what looked like battle plans lay on top.

"I'll send my eldest off at once with my men. You and I can ride tomorrow like the old days," her Father cheered as he rose a goblet of some ale to his mouth. "At least, the smell will be the same."

She coughed as she approached.

"Ah hello, pup, I didn't see you there. Howe, you remember my son Thomas don't you?" She didn't flinch, but she screamed in her head. She forced a smile to Howe and he returned it.

"Of course, he's grown into a fine young man." She grimaced, for a moment but Howe saw it. He ignored it and turned back to her father.

"Twenty-one today, Rendon, and finally old enough for this responsibility." Her father stood and turned to her. "Fergus will be off after lunch, pup, and I will be leaving on the morrow. I need you to stay here and protect our home. Protect our family, Thomas." He reached for her shoulders and held them tightly. " I trust you, son."

"I'll do my best, father," she said. Lissa jumped around, between father and child. "Down, girl. I swear to the Maker, you're the worst behaved hound I've ever met." She laughed as she rubbed Lissa's ear.

"Like her owner, I'm sure. I'll be leaving only a token force behind, pup, only for show really but you know how it is. The mice get up to a lot when the cat's away after all." Howe laughed as her father spoke. "Go inform your brother that he has to leave as soon as he is ready, Tom, I've just got a bit more planning to do with Howe."

"Father, before I do, I need to talk to you." She shook. She said it, she had asked him to talk and a wave of relief rushed over her, that must be the hardest bit, surely.

"Later, pup. I'm busy now."

Her heart sank and she knew it was useless to argue, and she shouldn't argue with her father in front of Howe regardless. He was an old friend, yes, but still an outsider of the family and they needed to look strong in front of him.

She held her head high as she walked out of the throne room, higher as she walked towards her room. She needed her safe space now, needed to be alone for at least a moment to collect herself.

Today would be hard, but little did she know that tonight would be even harder.


	3. Chapter 3

Her room, her safe space, seemed all too small right now. Her father didn't have time for her, as always, and on this day, her day. She should have expected it really, he was useless, and uncaring most of the time.

Tears fell freely as she shut the door behind her. She had already had enough of her mask, of her fake, false life.

Her reflection stopped her from the other side of the had left her dressing mirror out this morning, and Maker's breath did she look horrible.

She stomped over, tears fogging her vision and screamed, forcing a boot through it.

"Fuck you, Tom," she spat. "Fuck it all. What's the point? I'm never going to be me. Never."

She collapsed into a ball and Lissa quietly made her way over to her, curling at her feet.

"You don't care if I'm Natalie, do you, girl?" She pushed her face into Lissa's coat and cried. Long deep sobs raked from her body as she let her sorrows escape.

"Love," a voice softly came from her door. Natalie raised her head slightly to see her mother at the door.

Panic hit her like a stone wall. Her whole body went rigid and she felt sick. Her hands began to shake and if it hadn't been for Lissa, she would have fallen.

"I just want you to be happy, my child," footsteps came towards her and Natalie felt a warm hand on her shoulder. "My love for you outweighs everything, and if you're sad, I'll do everything in my power to help you. Natalie is a beautiful name. Can I use it?"

Tears came again now, but they didn't burn and they didn't come in waves of sadness but waves of joy. She nodded as she buried her face into Lissa's fur.

"I love you, Natalie. You are my child, my daughter, yes? If you thought I would care about this, then you're not as clever as I'd expected. Fergus is the battleaxe of the family, you were always the tactician, hiding and watching, learning. You should have known." Her mother placed a soft kiss on her neck.

"I love you too, mother," was all she could manage.

Hours later, her mother left. They had had a long, brilliant talk and Natalie was, for the first time in her life, optimistic about her future. Mother accepted her, there was no reluctance, no hatred, only love.

The Maker must have blessed her. Andraste herself wasn't as fortunate.

She stood, looked at herself in a new mirror and smiled. Mother had given her one of her wigs, and a very feminine Orlesian mask from the last time they had attended a ball there. She didn't have a dress that was her size, but mother had promised to get the tailor to make her one. Looking at herself, in her mask and wig, she felt content.

Complete maybe, she felt like she should.

It was dark out now, the day hadn't gone entirely to plan but it had gone well.

Mother had told Fergus that he had to leave, he had popped in to say goodbye but Fergus could tell he was not welcome. One look at the outfits laid out on the bed and he just smiled, then left.

He accepted her too. Holy Maker, she was lucky.

Along with her mask and wig, Mother had given her some old leather armour from her days as the Seawolf. It was embroidered with a wolf's head and fit Natalie perfectly.

She quickly changed, and put the armour on. It was warmer than she had expected as it was lined with sheep's wool, to protect from the high winds at sea.

Looking at herself, she was ecstatic. With the long, braided wig and her new armour, she looked powerful.

Her twin daggers sat in a chest beside her bed, Mother had had them made for her eighteenth birthday and she had not seen a better since.

They were decorated with wolves and Mabari hounds, fighting up the handle towards two silverite blades. They were gorgeous, yet deadly.

She held them up, looking at herself in the mirror. She looked beautiful. Andraste herself would surely be jealous.

Lissa began barking, growling and scratching at her door.

"Lissa?" Natalie turned, lowering the weapons slightly, "what is it?"

The dog howled, and barked more, getting more and more agitated as she tried to get through the door.

A scream sounded in the hallway and Natalie was at the door in an instant.

"Help!" A servant cried. "They're attacking the castle."

She opened the door to the face of one of her personal servants. He was an older man and had looked after her since birth. An arrow stuck out of his throat.


	4. Chapter 4

"Bastards!" She screamed, daggers glistening in the firelight. She sprinted out the room and was met by two armoured men. One, the archer, wore leather armour and had a plain wooden bow, the other wore steel and carried a sword and shield whose heraldry she recognised. A brown bear on a yellow and white checked background, the Howe family.

She darted under the bigger man's sword, aiming her dagger for his unprotected neck. It plunged in with ease and she span around him to reach the next. These men weren't as well trained as her and she thanked the Maker as she threw her daggers into him, killing him quickly.

She bent over his body, pulling the daggers out as she heard a noise from the door to her parent's room. She span, holding the weapons out ready only to find her mother dressed in leather armour and carrying the family's royal bow.

"Love," She called as she wrapped her arms around Natalie. "You're ok, thank the Maker. I heard fighting out here and I feared the worst."

"I'm all right, mother," Natalie said. She pulled back and looked around them. The door to Fergus' room was battered, and the door to the main hallway was closed behind them.

"Did you see their shield, these are Howe's men!" Mother cursed, spitting on the nearest body. "I swear to all that is holy that if he delayed his men on purpose I will slit his throat myself."

"Not if I beat you to it, mother," Natalie grunted. "Crap, mother, we need to check on Oren and Oriana."

"Andraste's mercy," her mother gasped, pulling Natalie towards the next room. "What if they went to your brother's room first? No, no, no, no, look at the door. They can't have…"

Her voice trailed off as they pushed the door open.

Natalie puked.

It was a massacre. More blood than should have been possible and two lifeless destroyed bodies in the centre. Oren and Oriana, her nephew and sister in law, murdered.

She would kill whoever did this. Kill all of them.

She screamed, Mother cried, and she pulled them out before she broke down.

"Monsters," Natalie growled. "They don't want hostages, mother, they're just murdering everyone. We need to get out of here now. Get a small pack together quick, then we will find father and escape."

Her mother just stood there, staring into space before Natalie shook her. "You are the Seawolf, Mother," Natalie looked deep into her mother's eyes. "Snap out of this and become her again."

"You're right, love, I am no Orlesian wallflower, I am strong, Ferelden, and the Seawolf won't let her pups die. We will avenge them, we will make Howe pay for every single drop of blood, I swear it." Her mother kissed her nose then pushed her towards her room.

Swiftly, Natalie had a pack together, her razor, some essentials and some clothing. Anything else was unneeded.

She met her mother back in the hall and together, they stepped out into the rest of the castle.

If hatred was ever personified it would have become her castle. Fire, screams and blood echoed around the room like an amateur piece of art. Bodies of servants she had known her whole life laid strewn across the floor, some missing features that she refused to look at.

The door to the knight's barracks was open, and a brief look inside was enough to prove to her that there was no one left. Bodies lying dead in their bed with cut necks. Stabbed, destroyed soldiers whose only crime was being the wrong place and defending the wrong family, her family.

She would make the bastard pay. Her mother was the Seawolf, and Natalie was her pup. Wolves hunt in packs, and a pack of two was still a pack.

"Can you hear the fighting?" Her mother whispered beside her. "Howe's men must be everywhere."

"Mother, we need a way out of here." Natalie pulled them to the side, out of sight. There was no one there yet but it paid to be prudent.

"The servants tunnel in the larder, it's the only other way out," Mother knelt as she spoke, rubbing the back of Lissa's neck. "We need to find your father first, he will be in the throne room with that bastard. He was meeting him to discuss the troops."

"We can't just let Howe win, I won't run," Natalie growled.

"Listen carefully, Natalie. We don't have much time to waste," Mother pulled her in for a hug, it was awkward with the armour but the gesture was there. "If we can't find your father, you need to escape. You and Fergus are the future of the Couslands, you need to survive, love. Survive, be yourself and then one day you can get your vengeance."

"I want Howe dead."

"then escape and fight another day. His men are already inside the castle, look around you, Natalie. We have already lost. The smart warrior knows when to flee, and you are the smartest I know." She planted a kiss on Natalie's forehead and pulled them both up. "Come, love, we will save your father, and escape. Maybe we will even get to stab that bastard as well."

A shout from down the hallway caught their attention and they turned to see a lone soldier holding howe's shield. Her mother sighed and in a single movement, nocked and loosed an arrow, killing the man swiftly.

"We must be swift, Natalie, we can't afford to waste any more time. The Seawolf and her pack are on the hunt."

Lissa howled, and her mother joined in, eventually so did Natalie. They were a team and Howe's men should be afraid.

Natalie led them down the long corridors separating the buildings, The throne room was its own building by the front gates and the sounds of fighting was loudest their.

"They're in the castle!" A man, Tobias, one of the cooks appeared in front of them. "Ser Thomas?" Confusion crossed his face and he stopped still.

"It's Natalie now," Her mother interjected. "Tobias, you've been a loyal member of this castle your whole life, flee now, child. We will keep you safe."

"Be safe, Your Ladyship, both of you. They're right behind me." Tobias shouted as he sprinted past them towards the kitchens.

Natalie shot her mother a grateful glance then readied herself. This would be worse than any nightmare she had ever had but she would survive. She was strong, she was a Cousland and she was better than anything Howe could throw at her.

Lissa growled and together, they charged as the first group of soldiers appeared round the corner.

An arrow pierced the first before they had reached them, Lissa's teeth taking the throat of the second and Natalie's prized daggers took the third.

A mage was left, somehow Howe had managed to get an apostate in his troops but no matter, she would fall too.

Ice bolts shot past Natalie's head as she span away from each shot, ducking and weaving as she had practiced but never experienced. A ball of fire nearly took her and the heat burned as it flew past but she could ignore that pain, it was easy compared to the pain of the world around her.

Mages were powerful from a distance but get close and they fell like any other and Natalie's daggers took the woman's neck in a clean arc.

"Anyone else?" She screamed, "I'll kill you all, bastards."

Another group answered the call and if Natalie was going to regret those words she didn't have the chance. Arrows flew past her as her mother shot. Killing them expertly before Natalie had an opportunity to react.

Lissa howled and dived onto the nearest man, taking him to the ground as she ripped into him with her teeth.

His screams put the fear of the Maker into his compatriots and for a split second they hesitated but that was all Natalie needed.

She jumped, swiping her dagger at the first as she landed, and killing him instantly. With a flourish, she stabbed her blade into the chest of the next, piercing his leather armour like it was flimsy parchment, and the final soldier fell to his knees in surrender as she stabbed him through the neck. He gurgled and she watched him die with a smile.

Howe showed her family no mercy, and his soldiers would receive the same.

They were beside the throne room now, and she could hear the battle inside. She kicked down the door and ran in.

A group of her knights were holding off Howe's men. But they needed her help. A small group of men fought in the centre of the room, all armed with melee weapons, but in the corner was a slender elven woman, staff held high as she cast some strange magic over Howe's men, helping them.

"Lissa!" She shouted above the racket. "Get the mage. I'll help the rest."

The hound barked in response and shot off across the room, charging at the woman. Her mother began shooting at the men she could, but they were too close to their knights to risk it.

"Mother, go to the armoury quickly, it's close, get the family blade. I will help here."

The Seawolf nodded and ran off. Natalie was a Cousland, she was a commander, she was a soldier, and most of all she was going to win.

With a roar, she stabbed through the back of the nearest soldier, saving one of their most loyal knights Ser Gilmore. He nodded at her, confusion but thanks in his eyes.

Together, they attacked the next. Gilmore getting his attention as Natalie slunk around behind him and killed him. It was a good tactic and soon Howe's numbers had thinned enough for them to push the offensive.

A roar from behind her and Natalie smiled, the Seawolf had returned. Her mother stabbed the first man she reached, killing him quickly. The family's silverite sword was sharp, and her mother put it to good use.

The last man fell to Natalie, and she bent over panting.

"Where is my husband, Ser Gilmore?" Mother asked the knight.

"He went looking for you, Your Ladyship. He wanted to find you and your son. I warned him against it but you know what he is like." Gilmore looked towards Natalie his eye's widened as he recognised her. "Should I have said, daughter? Regardless, if you have another exit, Lady Cousland, I suggest you use it."

"Come with us," Natalie spoke up.

"If I do that, ma'am, then Howe's men will inevitably break through. I promised your father I would hold them out, and I intend to keep that."

"Maker watch over you, Ser Gilmore," Mother planted a kiss on his head.

"Make watch over all of us," he sighed and turned to his men. "Hold the gates, men, we will hold these bastards out yet. Let them taste the steel of the Knights of Highever."

The roared in unison and braced themselves against the entrance.

Natalie nodded once at them and left.

More scattered groups of soldiers slowed them down as they fled towards the kitchen, more bodies of dead servants and knights threatened to make her puke again but she held it all down. She was too angry to care.

After killed another pack of men, they finally arrived, closing the door to the kitchen shut behind them with a slam.

A trail of blood led towards the larder and Natalie was terrified of what she might find. Gingerly, she opened the door and all her fears were confirmed.

"Bryce!" Her mother gasped, running in. Her father lay in a pool of his own blood, gushing from a wound in his stomach. Handprints in the blood showed how he must have dragged himself here to wait for them. He looked up, life already faded in his eyes, and he smiled.

He looked at his wife, and she kissed him gently, tears fled his face and Natalie's mother's joined them. He looked past her and saw Natalie, suddenly she felt very small but he just smiled at her. "My child, you look beautiful. I should have realised. What should I call you?"

"My name is Natalie, father." She gasped. Tears fell down her face and she fell to her knees beside him.

"Maker's breath, you're bleeding, love, what happened?" Mother cried.

"Howe's men found me first, I was lucky to even escape then." Words came slowly to her father, each breath was coupled with a gasp of pain.

"I'll kill Howe for this." Natalie cursed, Lissa growling with her.

"He can't get away with this. The king will…" His voice cut off as he roared in pain.

"Bryce, we're so close, you can tell him yourself, find you some healing magic. It'll be ok." Her mother frantically kissed his head.

"Eleanor, my love, my Seawolf, you've seen enough injuries to know what's happening. We both know I won't survive the standing."

"Then we will stay here and defend you, Father," Natalie's eyes burned with tears but she refused to shed anymore.

"Once Howe's men break through, they will find us and kill us." Mother sighed.

"Someone must find Fergus and tell him," Father grunted as he looked into Natalie's eyes.

"And take vengeance," She growled.

"And take vengeance," He replied, a sad smile on his face.

"No, Bryce, we can get you out, flee."

"The castle is surrounded, my love, I could never hide in my condition. You two could. Natalie, you know this forest like the back of your hand, you've hidden from me more times than I could ever count. You can hide from him and then escape to tell Fergus and the King." He sat up slightly and screamed as the pain overtook him.

"That settles it," her mother said. "I will stay here and defend your father, Natalie, you escape. Hide until Howe's men stop looking then find your brother."

"What?" Natalie gasped.

"You know what I said, darling. I will be able to buy you time here, prevent them from following you. It's the only way."

"I love you both so much." Tears fell again she couldn't help it. She kissed her mother's cheek, kissed her father's head, and stood.

"Take the family sword, Natalie. It can't fall into that bastard's hands."

"Yes, mother. I will do you both proud."

"You already have."

Natalie Cousland turned and fled.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

There was a large, dark forest surrounding her castle. What used to be her castle.

Giant ageless trees rose up higher than Natalie could ever see, as if touching the very sky itself. At night, the branches seemed to join the stars, connecting this world and the stars in the most gorgeous way.

She used to love this forest, used to long for its earthy smell when she was busy training. The castle had been so quiet compared to the life inside here. Birds chirped during the night and sang during the day. Wolves howled somewhere far away, close enough to set one on edge but far enough way to be assured of safety.

Once upon a time, this forest had been her and Fergus' playground. Countless days had been lost in it, imagining horror stories of giant spiders, werewolves, and bloodthirsty Dalish Elves.

The truth was that Humans were worse. So much worse.

A faint orange glow from behind cast her shadow ahead. She swallowed the dysphoria from seeing her body shape and kept running. Lissa kept just behind her, reminding her to maintain the speed up with a few small nips when she slowed down.

Her heartbeat was as loud in her ears as the men shouting orders behind her. Fear bubbled in her stomach as her last meal attempted to flee it.

She stopped as it got its wish. The sick would leave a trail for them, but it was better than running and hoping it wouldn't escape.

"He's this way!" A voice shouted from behind her.

Lissa howled and pulled Natalie's arm, they had to keep moving. If she stayed still she was dead, if she wasn't quick enough she was dead. Howe's men would comb the forest for her, then the roads, then the cities. A surviving Cousland would destroy his plans.

She had to hide.

A memory flashed in her head, and she knew where she could go.

There was a small village half a day's ride to her south. Loyal to the Cousland's and safe. Harper's Ford, her father had freed them from an Orlesian and Howe occupation during the rebellion. They would never give someone up to Howe.

Even if they thought she was just a servant.

Bryce Cousland had two sons, she could never explain why she was a woman to the common folk, and she couldn't live as a son any longer.

Maker, guide her. This was going to be the worst few nights of her life.

She was fortunate that she remembered to add gold to her pack as she fled her home. As fortunate as one in her situation could be at least.

Twenty sovereigns to her name, pocket change for a Cousland, but Natalie couldn't be a Cousland any longer. She needed a new name, a strong name, her name. Natalie something, Maker, knows what.

She'd cross that bridge when she came to it.

\---

The forest was practically alive as the sun rose. The birds sang to Natalie as she strolled out from the trees. No matter what, she was a lady, and a lady had etiquette. She would not run, not now. She had spent the night running.

Her charm would be her weapon, it was near as sharp as her sword but would be more useful in this village than steel.

Her home was built with royal stone, an ancient building to stand the test of time and outlive any forest. This small village was poor timber. It would barely outlast her lifetime never mind a tree.

"Stranger approaches!" A voice shouted out before her, from a small lacklustre watchtower. She could have snuck in if she had desired, it was pitiful.

Lissa growled as an armed man stepped past the bare tower. His leather armour looked worse for wear, but he smiled warmly and that was more disarming than any master strike.

"Hello there, M'lady, what brings such a heavily armed…" Natalie stepped closer and he stuttered. Looking her up and down before he continued. "Woman here?"

_He knows. Natalie, you fucking idiot. Of course he does._

"I worked in Castle Cousland, Ser, they've been attacked and I'm ashamed to say I fled for my life." She spattered. The Maker had gifted her with an exceptionally high voice for a man, now she was herself she hoped it was enough to pass. "I have money, I was hoping I could stay here."

"Attacked?" He gasped, reaching an arm out to her. "What happened?"

She told him. She cried. She cursed. Her family was dead but she survived.

Thomas Cousland was dead. Natalie Bryce was reborn.

Four long months had passed. Four months since she last saw her father, heard her mother, saw little Oren laugh. Four long months of drowning in her hatred of Howe. That evil bastard.

She would be the woman who killed him. She would make sure of it.

Revenge was a dish best served cold, and four months was already getting cold enough.

This tiny village was stifling. Thirty people lived here and every one of them knew everything about the other. Except Natalie. She was the unknown, no one knew anything about her.

She had taken a job at the tavern to keep her with enough money to eat. It was boring work but it was enough.

She heard the gossip, the whispers when they thought she wasn't looking. She wasn't the most feminine of girls, she knew that, but hearing it made it all the worse.

Those nights she cried to herself in bed, if she was lucky sleep would come, more often than not she was unlucky.

Four month's worth of crying. It was enough for a lifetime. Natalie Cousland would be a warrior, the cub of the Seawolf herself. Natalie Bryce was a coward.

But Natalie Bryce was alive, and maybe that was enough for her.

Her brother had died. Loghain, another evil bastard, had betrayed his king at Ostagar and fled the battle. Leaving the Royal Army to die. Fergus had been her family's part of it.

She was the last Cousland, and she would survive.

Loghain, Howe, evil men who had destroyed her family. They would pay in steel for what they had done.

"Natalie?" A voice called from outside.

She had been sitting on her plain bed, staring at her plain walls as she let her mind rage. The sea of hatred crashed against the tranquillity of her mind, engulfing it as she drowned.

"Natalie, are you there?" The voice shouted again. A banging on her door stirred her again and she rose from the bed.

"I'm coming," she said. The world was sluggish as she took her first step. She looked across at her mirror, checking for anything that would out her, she seemed ok. Her next step was easier, and then the rest came as quick as they left.

She opened the door and smiled as warmly as she didn't feel. "Hello, Darryl." Darryl was the man who greeted her at the walls of the village, and she honestly believed he was trying, and failing, to court her.

"Good morning, M'lady, I was wondering if you'd accompany me for breakfast. I have some delicious boar at home." He extended his arm, and Natalie gladly took it.

She stopped for a moment, grabbed her weapons and then followed. She still wore her mother's armour. The Seawolf would live on. It kept her grounded.

"You do know you don't need them to get breakfast, yes?" Darryl laughed. Poking her as they walked.

"I know, my friend, I just feel more comfortable with them. I will never be helpless again." Darryl knew more than most, knew she had survived the battle but that's all.

"I get it, Natalie." He muttered. He seemed upset but Natalie wouldn't comfort him. She refused to put fuel on the fire of his crush.

They walked in silence for a time, the short walk to Darryl's house was enough that the silence became awkward.

"Thank you for thinking of me, Darryl, it was very sweet of you." She stroked his arm as she spoke. Hoping to at least make him smile, and that it wouldn't be enough to feed the fire.

"Always, Natalie, you know that." Maybe it was. Crap.

He opened the door and she held a sigh as she saw the table in the centre of the room. Flowers, a flaming candle! She had made a mistake coming here.

"I hope you like it," he lilted as he pulled a chair out for her.

"So do I," she gulped.

He disappeared into a smaller backroom and Natalie considered her options.

Run?

Flee?

Hide?

She had to leave.

He came back into the room and she silently cursed.

"Is it too early for wine?" he asked, bringing a very full jar into the room.

Outside, Natalie could have sworn she heard a howling but before she could address it, Darryl had spilt the wine, soaking the floor.

"Andraste's filthy knickers!" He shouted, diving to the floor as he did so. "This cost so much," he whimpered.

"It's ok," She said. Charm was a woman's weapon but right now she was defenceless.

A banging on the door shook her. The howling grew louder, and recognisable.

"Lissa!" She screamed, jumping to her feet.

The door burst open and three young men stood in the door.

"Freak!" one screamed.

"Pervert!" The second.

"Monster!" The third rose a sword.

Darryl stood and stepped in front of her. Some valiant unneeded chivalry but it bought her time. "What are you doing here, Gregory?"

"Saving you for the Maker, Darryl," he spat. "That thing behind you is no woman. It is a man! Some freak who dresses as a woman."

_They're right._

The world began to spin, her tranquil mind got engulfed by hatred and she stepped back as the men argued before her. Lissa bounded into the room, baring her teeth at the bigots.

Darryl turned, anger in his eyes, and a meat knife in his hand. "You bastard," he screamed. "I'm not into men, you disgusting freak."

He swung at her, her daggers flashed quicker than he could react, his knife fell to the floor as did his hand.

"I never wanted to hurt you, Darryl, remember that." She spat on him.

_They're wrong._

"You three are nothing, you know that?" She stepped back, searching for any way out of this. "I am the Sea wolf's pup, I am your rightful ruler." She screamed as she charged towards them.

"I AM NATALIE COUSLAND!"

She dived below them, rolling beside them as they turned, following her with their eyes before their brains reminded their feet to follow.

It was over, her nice quiet surviving life. Her Mask as a normal woman.

She was Trans, she had to accept that but she was strong. She was the strongest woman alive and she would survive this. Howe still needed to die.

More men and women followed behind her. She could hear their insults, their bigotry, and their disgust at her being. She ducked as rocks flew by her head.

She had prepared for this, thank the Maker. She would run south, the King's road was not far. If she made it there she could escape.

She danced through the trees, jumping over fallen branches, ducking under the brush.

Lissa yipped at her heels, keeping her quick and alert. The best friend she would ever need.

She turned back, looking at the group of monsters chasing her, and she missed the tree root sticking up before her.

She tripped.

She fell.

She hit the ground and screamed as she tried to clamber away.

"I've got you now, Freak!" Gregory screamed as he got close.

She closed her eyes and waited for it all to be over.

"Halam sahlin!" a strange voice echoed around them and another Mabari added its growl to the choir.

Natalie turned on the ground, and saw the angriest little elf she had ever seen, followed by a red headed woman, and a blonde man.

She was safe.

Natalie Cousland would survive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note
> 
> Three guesses as to who saved her.
> 
> This story is finished but Natalie's isn't. She will be continued soon enough, don't you worry.
> 
> Sorry for the long delay in this chapter. I am back from my writer's block and will hopefully have a new chapter up for From The Dales by the weekend at the earliest.

**Author's Note:**

> This may seem familiar to anyone who follows me on Tumblr (bert-wrighty), I posted it a few months back. This story will be updated now and then when I feel angsty enough to write it.
> 
> My main story will be updated soon. Follow my Tumblr for updates.


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